Tonight it’s one of those nights and I’m sure every girl and maybe guy too has had or still does now and then a one person pity party. For me I begin with those thoughts of being lonely and having no friends, because in a way I really don’t maybe one or two or three tops. But I never hang out with them(or meet them) so I wonder do I really have friends? am I even likeable? it’s that the reason I’m still single? and the pity party goes on a roll of depressing thoughts. But tonight’s pity party theme is love, because the lyrics of a Spanish song came to mind,
“yo no nací para amar
nadie nació para mí
tan solo fui
un loco soñador nomás
yo no nací para amar
nadie nació para mí
mis sueños nunca
se volvieron realidad
siempre lo busqué
pero nunca pude
encontrar ese amor
siempre lo esperé
y en todas partes que esperaba
ese amor nunca llegó”
Which translates to ” I wasn’t born to love, nobody was born for me, I was just a crazy dreamer. I wasn’t born to love, nobody was born for me, my dreams never came true. I always searched for it, but I was never able to find that love. I always waited for it, and everywhere I waited that love never arrived.”
I know of two women who are in their 50’s and never married all their life they remained single they never got to experience what love is, never married and had children and live alone and just live to work. I begin to wonder if maybe the lyrics to this song are true is there a chance that maybe just maybe nobody was born to love me? Am I meant to be single for the rest of my life? If its true do you have to come and accept that as true fact or do you fight it somehow? Because I have prayed about it, I’ve prayed to God to help me find a man who will love me for who I am even with all my crazy beliefs and paranoia’s. But you know how those pity party’s are it’s like you allow that dark and depressing corner of your mind to take over and these dark thoughts swirl in your head. That maybe you don’t deserve to be loved, that you’re meant to be alone forever and so on. But I hate those pity parties and I hate that I can’t stop myself once I start. It takes a line from a book, a lyric of a song or just a memory to trigger it and sadly tonight it’s one of those nights. But I wanna hope and dream that maybe just maybe there is someone for me and that it’s just taking a bit of time to meet him, and when I do that it will be worth it.
Just a girl's thoughts 