Strike 3!

Well this is an update on my love/crush situation at work and it’s taken a few days for me to work through it. So a couple days ago another coworker told me how my crush asked another cashier to ask her if she was interested in going out on a date with him. She told me all this with kinda like a smile on her face showing that she was possibly interested and she told me she hadn’t answered him back. And that she became embarrassed when the other cashier asked her once again in front of one of the managers and they had told her to give him a chance. But that she wasn’t sure because maybe he had a gf. It obviously hurt when she told me that but what made it worst was the fact that she knows that I like him, and yet here she was telling me all happily about it. For once i actually thought that maybe me like me back, since he would pat my arm every time we said hi, he would smile a lot when he saw me, i would catch him looking at me and then smile when i did and we would have this awkward weird conversations. Which only made my crush worst cause now i freaking blush too when i see him. Maybe i just read too much into the situation or my coworker is lying to me cause she’s interested in him. But if I go asking around to the other cashier then maybe she’s gonna realize i like the guy and be telling everybody. Because the whole situation sounds kinda weird because you wouldn’t ask a coworker you barely knew to ask another coworker out for you right? Or am I just in denial? Anyways i’m a little broken hearted and wished i had the guts to investigate more cause i think i’m being played. But if he did like me sooner or later it would show right? I don’t have to give up just yet because she said that he wanted a date with her as long as they’re not in a relationship it’s still fair game, if i can call it a game. What do you guys think i should do?

Are we friends or what?

So i have this coworker friend who i once in a while go and hang out with and in the past few weeks where I’ve developed this crush on my other coworker she seems a bit reluctant(i wanna say) about talking about my crush. I’ve given her situations of me and my crush to see what she think of it and instead she doesn’t reply to my texts or if in person just sorta chuckles and changes the subject. I wanna talk about my crush and i wanna analyze what may or may not mean what he says or does but she doesn’t want to. She tells me stuff about her and some of her dark moments but after she’s gone through them. She says I’m a good friend and sometimes hints that she sees me as her bff but…her actions prove otherwise. Sometimes i get the feeling im just someone she likes to hang out it when she has no one to go out with. And maybe it’s not true and is just having a hard time trusting me but how are gonna get a solid friendship between us if mostly what we do is just gossip and joke around. I want someone to over think stuff with me or at least tell me stuff that I may not see from a conversation with my crush and keep me grounded. But i guess that just a bit too much to ask, thankfully I have cyber friends that help over analyze stuff with.

Googleing the signs

So ever since my crush started on this guy I find myself googleing the signs if someone is interested in you or how to tell if a male coworker likes you. I find that some of the signs apply between each other for example in many of the articles it says when he’s speaking with me he will stand facing me and then put his hands on his hips. In order to bring attention towards his chest and his lower area. It says he will also smile a lot to me because a guy wont smile at someone they don’t find attractive and much less if it’s a full wide smile. It also lists things such as unnecessary touching, that his pupils will dilate, and that he will lean towards me when talking. When we talk he does face me and put his hands on hips and I have noticed he really doesn’t do that with others, but then again he doesn’t talk to the others as much. But when he smiles it’s a full-blown one with smiley eyes and everything. And every time we look at each other he has this smile on his face. With the unnecessary touching he’s only done it twice, once when we first met he patted my shoulder when he was about to leave and today when he was trying to get a roll of receipt paper from self check out. He could have just stepped in front of me and say excuse me but instead he went behind me and grabbed me softly by the shoulder and pulled me a bit aside and reached into the self checkout cabinet. Even then from behind he could have said excuse me instead but he didn’t. But then I’ve tried to see his eyes to see if they dilate when he sees me but I cant really tell and then i start to feel embarrassed when i stare into his eyes for too long. Due to us being cashiers we really don’t have time to talk but when we do it’s a bit awkward cause he’s there standing facing me with his hands on his hips and im facing him but we’re both not saying nothing we just stand there awkwardly. I’ve practiced asking questions but it’s just so hard for me to actually ask them and when i did i was able to learn that he studies and everything. And during one of those awkwardly facing each other moments he started to tell me himself how a coworker thought he was married but then was interrupted when a customer came into his line. Today we were the same just standing there like trying to get the courage to say something(at least in my part) when he randomly points at a cooling scarf we sell(basically you just wet it and wrap it however you want in your head to keep cool) and asks me if they would allow us to wear it in there and points at one of the possible ways you can wear. I reply that I don’t think they would let us unless maybe we would be out in the garden area. But it’s just a weird thing to ask and talk about since the weather is still not that hot here. Twice when he has bought a drink at work he comes to my line and I even joked once(yes i was able to do a joke) when i accidentally scanned his soda twice that it was meant to be cause one for him and one for me, he said if i wanted he’ll buy me one but obviously i refused and it was a diet coke after all. I’m rambling now aren’t I? it’s just I feel things are different with this guy I can just feel there’s something every time he comes towards me and smiles and just stands there awkwardly next to me. Because the first thing you have to do when you come in is look for a head cashier to be told where to go but instead he just comes to me first stands there a bit and then they find him and tell him where to go. I know I should advantage of that and I should do or say something then but i get too nervous and awkward and don’t end up saying nothing. I should really start practicing more what to say or do if I want something to happen. So what do you guys think? should I trust what google says or trust my inexperienced love instincts?

Party for 1

So last night I had one of those nights, pity party for 1, which I think it’s been a while since I had one but I guess with my recent semi heartbreak it was bound to happen. I was reading this christian romance book where basically the main message was to have faith that God will lead you to the right man for you and to have trust in his ways. The main character goes from feeling unloved and abandoned to accepting God and trusting that everything would fall into place for her because all she needed was to trust that God would lead her down the right path. And this book really hit hard because there have been many nights where I have been feeling down and I pray for him to give me a sign. That things will work out for me, and that eventually he does have a plan for me. I pray to meet a good man and have a family because lately my heart feels sad whenever I see a baby. I pray that I will find someone to love me and to be given a sign that somehow I am meant to be loved by someone. But those prayers go unanswered and instead I feel more and more alone and unloved. I grew up in a christian home and even though I haven’t accepted God as my lord and savior I still have christian beliefs but…I feel just having beliefs is not enough for me. I feel like a disappointment to my parents, to my family and especially to myself, I feel I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. And those beliefs to trust in him and that everything will somehow work out if I put my faith in him seem to be disappearing. I feel myself become bitter full of negativity, hate, and pessimism, and i don’t like where I seem to be going. But I just feel so…done, I don’t even know how to describe what I’m feeling. I wanna think and feel positive about my future but i don’t see how things can get any better any time soon.

Luck is just not on my side

Well I tried to become close to the guy I like at work and about 4 days ago we were talking/joking around with another coworker. When she showed us a video on fb of a baby covered in chocolate syrup and she asked us if we would do that to our babies. I said no cause i would prefer to eat it instead and then he replied he wouldn’t either but would rather put it on his gf. When he first said it I felt sad and jealous he had a gf but now thinking about it he technically didn’t say he had a current gf just that he would prefer to put it on her. Other guys would respond almost the same way right and it doesn’t mean he has a girlfriend…right? I just thought about this while writing this post cause I’ve been nursing my poor broken part over the fact that he has a gf. But now maybe there’s a possibility that he doesn’t, and I’m not sure how to go around it and ask him if he does. I can’t ask him out of the blue if he has a one or not cause then if he does he’ll know i am interested in him and that would be awkward. But i think I’m just gonna give up…because he’ll most likely have a girlfriend. My luck lately has been liking guys that have a girlfriend or are happily married. So I’ll just leave it to fate and if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be and if it’s not…then i guess i’ll be ok with that too.

Need some help

I was thinking and thinking last night that maybe it’s time to do something about my love life. I always say that when the time comes the right guy is gonna come along but it’s been almost 26 yrs and no guy has come and swept me off my feet. So I decided that maybe I should get up and do make the move myself, and this new cute guy at work is the one i currently like. But the problem is that I have no dating or relationship experience which I’ve said before in other posts. I’ve never gone on a date, I have never had a bf, and even till this day I still haven’t had my first kiss, which makes me feel super lame. So i don’t know how to start, how do I flirt without being to over the top and scare him off? What are some flirting tips you can give this amateur who’s never gone out with a guy? I’m not much of an outgoing person and I tend to keep to myself often and I also have a hard time making friends. So it would really help to receive some advice.

Crushing like a teenager(rant?)

So at work there’s this new guy, he’s light-skinned with black short hair and has a gorgeous smile but unfortunately he’s around my height 5’2, and I say unfortunately because I like tall guys. But the most important detail is that he has me feeling  like a freaking  teenager trying to hide my smiles and giggles when I see him. I said hi to him like about 10 times today, and i smiled every single time I saw him. I was in self check out and he was on register seven which is to the right of self check out(from my pov). And I j.ust couldn’t help looking his way and acting like a caring coworker and keeping on eye on him because it was his first time at a register by himself. Yesterday they put him to shadow me which basically means just stand there next to me and watch what I’m doing. And I was like super nervous cause he has a gorgeous smile and i would lose concentration. So today after a while of being on break i put myself next to his register cause im a good worker and i take initiative. There was this moment where our arms touch and i swear i felt like static and at first I thought I imagined it but then he asked me what bar code he need to scan to give a discount and our arms and hands touched again and again I felt that slight static tingling sensation. And I know I’m supposed to be to too old to believe and be going crazy over stuff like this. But it’s never really happened before, and there were moments where it looked like he was about to tell/ask me something but he stopped himself or was interrupted. He even patted my back to say bye and i almost died of happiness,lol But a bad thing apart from the height is that he loves his coffee cause he went about 4-5 times to grab some coffee and I HATE coffee, ugh just the smell makes me nauseous.

I don’t even know if something is gonna happen and I’m already bringing myself down and looking for his flaws(my height and likes coffee). Because i keep thinking he’s just being nice and that’s why he keeps smiling back at me every time I do, and that he’s only nice because I’m the only one that talks to him and I’m the only one he really knows from there. It’s not that he feels that same attraction or something that I do, and plus he’s most likely gonna be too young or married. Because I have that bad luck lately of falling for guys who are too young for me or have a gf/wife. Well hopefully against all the odds I put against myself maybe just this time luck will smile my way and something nice and wonderful will happen to me, cause I think I deserve a bit of love.

Shopping = low self esteem

Unlike many girls I hate shopping, I like going to the mall to look around, but when it comes to shopping…it’s a torture. I need to mentally prepare myself before going because if I don’t I’ll end up with myself esteem much lower than when mentally prepared. I’m 5’2 and weight 210 lbs, so shopping isn’t easy for me because I feel nothing looks good on me. Maybe if I had a flatter stomach and not one that sticks out much then maybe I would feel better about certain shirts and dresses but I don’t have one. It’s always a struggle for me because there’s never the correct size of what I want, and even if there is, something is wrong. For example my main struggle is jeans, I hate with a passion shopping for them, because they either fit me perfectly from the waist but are too long, or the thighs are too big or the butt part is too baggy. Like if every single plus sized girl is tall with big butts and thighs, and if they are the right length and fit me good in my butt and thighs they’re too tight. If I try getting one size up then I encounter the problem of the butt and thighs. Why can’t it be easier to shop for them and at a reasonable cost, cause yeah I can go to the plus sized stores but they’re expensive like $60 for 1 pair of jeans. The most I’ve spent on jeans have been around $35. The more expensive jeans in regular stores don’t even go more than size 14 or size 16 and I’m a 17/18 depending on the brand.
Then there’s the tops/blouses some of them are ugly like heck, as if someone saw a random curtain and went “oh that looks like a great design for a shirt” and then just made some holes for the neck and arms. But if you go to plus sized stores  there are some nice ones but they cost like almost $40 for 1 shirt/blouse. Why is it so damn expensive for plus sized girls to dress nice? Is the only way to have a nice wardrobe is to save a bunch of money to buy 1 shirt & 1 jean? Or save a months worth of paychecks for it? Or is it only me that has trouble finding nice cheap plus sized clothes?
Every times I go shopping I end up wanting to cry because I feel nothing fits or looks good on me. The only time I ever feel bad about my weight is when I go shopping other than that I don’t really notice. Why must it be so hard to do something as simple as shopping? Why does plus sized clothing have to be so expensive and at times so ugly looking? Does whoever design these clothes believe people who are bigger don’t want to look nice? that we wanna walk around in clothes that look like they were made of curtains? Cause most of the of curtain looking blouses are sold in stores online there’s a bigger variety of semi nicer looking clothes but it’s one thing how it looks in the model than how it would look on you. Because if you take a close look all the plus sized models, if they’re actually plus sized and not photo-shopped to look wider, they all have flat stomachs. None of them have big bellies, gosh even now that I think of it even maternity clothing looks better than plus sized.
I would like to have a nicer wardrobe and feel better about it when shopping for new clothes but until I win the lottery and afford that ones in plus sized clothes. Or some plus sized clothes designer comes out with nice looking clothes it’s gonna continue being a struggle.

But just wondering if any plus sized girls are reading, if you’re plus sized and with a big belly where do you usually shop for clothes? Can you please gives me some links or names of store I can look, or maybe some online stores that you’ve bought from that you can say oh this store is really good and cheap.

Retail Job Rant List

I just gotta do this because sometimes customers can be sooo ugh! In my opinion everyone should work one year of customer service so then they could feel what it’s like to be on the other side of the register. So here’s my list of things I dislike about customers
1) I hate like really with a passion when you ring a customer up and you’re all polite and they act like you’re not even there and then to top it off they simply throw the cash they are gonna pay with in front of you. They don’t hand it to you they just throw it like whatever. Don’t you know how disrespectful that is?! apart from ignoring us you act like you’re doing us a favor or something. I simply hate when they do that, have some common courtesy at least and hand it to us even if you don’t feel like speaking to us.
2) When i’m obviously already busy with one customer and out of nowhere another one butts in asking questions and wanting my attention and getting upset when I can’t give it to them. It’s like hello i’m with someone else right now can’t you wait for your turn? The world is not gonna end because I can’t answer your question right away and if it does it end then i’ll take full responsibility.
3) When the store just opened like 20 minutes ago,tops, and the customers decides to pay with an 100 dollar bill for a $5-10 purchase. My register will obviously not have enough change so why why would you do that? then you look annoyed because you have to wait while i get change? it’s your own fault, i see that 20 in your wallet and yet you decide to go for the 100. I may be smiling but i’m cursing you and your family for generations to come for that(stop and think about your family next time,lol).
4) Not sure how to start this one but there are moments where the items won’t have a price tag instead of making me call for someone to do a price check it would be a really but really big help if you get it yourself. I know it’s not your(the customers) fault that it doesn’t have a price tag but it would make the transaction so much easier and faster. Because for a price check someone from that department would have to walk over, look at the item go back to their dept and then come back to the register to give me the price. It sounds simple right but sometimes that employee is the only one in that dept and can’t come to the register because they are helping someone else and then you’ll get upset because no one is coming and eventually end up going yourself. It’s much easier if you offer to go because after all you know what item it is and where you got it from so obviously you’ll be out of the store much faster. So next time an item you have doesn’t have a price tag please but please go get another item with a tag yourself it will be easier for you and for me and everything will be done much faster.
5) Another thing to add to that last point when it doesn’t have a price tag/bar-code telling me how much it was it’s not much of a help. I have to scan the bar-code in order to be able to charge you the item, how can I be sure you’re telling me the right price? Especially if you tell me “it said blank blank of the shelf…i think or maybe it was the one under it”. It would be much easier to just go and grab another to be done faster.
6) oh and please don’t say it’s free when it doesn’t scan or have a barcode, nothing is free in the store expect the air you breathe.
7) Don’t make jokes like the one above, or about you making freshly made 100’s, or not wanting a bag to save a plastic tree, or any joke that you can think of cause the odds are we’ve heard it at least 30-40 times already that same day. It was funny for us the first week tops of work but after a year it’s not so funny.
8) This next point has been bothering me a lot lately not sure why because i used to not care but lately it has. Please greet your cashier back when we say “hi, how are you?” don’t respond with ” can you make sure this was 7.99″ or ” i have three different purchases” or “i have so and so of this” its common courtesy to greet people. So please just answer back with at least a hi back since after all we are humans and not robots that don’t require a respond from you.
9) When there’s a cashier at self-check out please but please don’t snap your fingers or whistle to get their attention. Cashiers are not dogs or slaves that you can snap your fingers at, please come to us and ask us for help. When a cashier tells you to give her/him a second give it to them because you’re not the only one requiring help. The cashier has to keep track and help 4-8 stations all by themselves and whistling at them is only gonna put you at the end of their priorities.
10) Again for self check-out its called Self Check-Out for a reason because you ring up the items yourself. Don’t stand there looking annoyed and telling me “well aren’t you planning to scan my items?” or pull up with a cart of a bunch of various items and come tell me “can you scan them for me” if you have more than 20 items and don’t know how to work the self check-out don’t bother using it. We can’t spend all our attention scanning your 50+ items because then the other machines start beeping when another customer needs help and then the snapping of the fingers and whistling starts.
11)Please read the instructions on the screen or any of the signs taped on the machines, don’t get mad at me when the machine won’t take cash and that’s what you’re paying with after scanning a bunch of items. There’s two different signs stating no cash plus a tape across where you put the bills and the machine pops up a message saying this machine is not accepting cash do you wish to continue. Don’t just press random buttons read what the sign says, the same goes for the pin pads read what it says don’t just put no cause you think it’s asking you if you want cash back, read!
12) Have manners and say please and thank you, i know we get paid and doing it is part of our job but that doesn’t give you the right to be rude and condescending. “Can you please check the price of this?” sounds better than “what’s the price of this?” and then walking away without a thank you. All day i hear “give me my 5%” “I have veterans discount”(and doesn’t show ID to prove it),”you don’t have boxes for customers to put plants in? then how do i take them home?”(cue evil glare).

It’s really hard to work retail when 90% of the conversations with customers goes like this:

Me: Hi, How are you?
Customer: “I have ten of this and this” or “i have the 5%” or “………”
Me: Scanning Items
Customer: Sliding their card already.
Customer: It’s not working
Me: It will work once i finish.
Me: Your Total is $X.XX
Customer: You gave me my 5% right
Me: Yes,Have a Nice Day
Customer: ‘already leaving’

You may think it’s an exaggeration but most of the time customers don’t bother to respond or be polite, and then of course there’s the ones who say “funny” jokes or inappropriate comments. Which brings me to another point such as don’t sexually harass cashiers or retail workers because they’re in a position where they can’t talk back or refuse your advancements. Seriously it’s like the lowest thing you can do, you don’t how many times customers have lingered their hand when receiving their change, or when in the middle of a big transaction asking over and over again if I want to go to dinner or to a movie. And having them tell me they are single or recently divorced is not gonna change mine or anyone’s mind. There’s so many more things I can tell you but i will stop with this one. If you ever forget your wallet for whatever reason in your car and you have a child with you please but please don’t leave the child in the cart and run to get your wallet. The usual answer would be ” i am not your babysitter” but it goes beyond that because I don’t if you came by yourself or with your wife or husband and someone could come and try to take the child acting as the other parent. Of course I’m not gonna let anyone just take the child but it would prevent misunderstandings if in fact the other parent arrives. I’ve had people leave infants and toddlers in the cart to retrieve their wallets and it doesn’t fit in my mind how someone would leave their child behind with a complete stranger because technically that’s what I am. So in the end I just wanna say please treat people who work in customers service for what they are and that is people.

Miracle Man

Watching a DIY video of how to build a large fish tank I began thinking of how much i want from my future husband hence the miracle man title. Of course I know me and my future husband won’t have all the same interests but it would be hard finding a man with things in common with me. Let me give you an insight of my hobbies and likes;
…love watching Dr Who and Sherlock
…like to watch anime
…am into Asian dramas and movies, mostly kdramas(korean dramas)
…like to cook and bake
…am a newbie fish keeper
… love doing DIY projects even though I suck at doing them
… like decorating and rearranging my room every few months(weeks)
…I like playing xbox
…I love reading

and well the list can go on forever. And maybe the list of my hobbies doesn’t sound so bad but it does sound very random. Because where in the world am I gonna find a guy who is a drwhokdramalovingfishkeeperandhandymanguy? and i say handy man guy because even though I like diy projects I can’t drill a hole to save my life. Do you know who end ups doing my diy projects because i can’t drill or saw?…my dad…lol who I thank very much for his help but in the end they’re not my diy projects but my dads. So my future husband is gonna have to be good in his wood working because i have so many projects I wanna try,lol

I know the chances of meeting my miracle man are very slim because where in the world would I find someone as weird as me but actually attractive?,lol I think as far as he’s into fish keeping and maybe likes dr who it would be enough for me. Because fish keeping is an expensive and tiring hobby I think a man that’s not into it wouldn’t understand why i spend so much of my money and attention on fishes, so a guy who is a fish keeper as well is a must. Well that just a quick thought I had while watching the diy video,lol