I don’t know anymore

So I have been feeling bad/sad/upset over the last month but it wasn’t till a few days ago that I felt like crying.  Because I feel like my mom has giving up on me. Lately every time there is a news segment on tv about artificial insemination or about women who have decided to have a baby on their own through that procedure she calls me from wherever she is so I could go and watch it. This last one she called me to see was about a trend in women to freeze some of their eggs to later be used at a later time.  If they decide they wanted be a mom but their current eggs are not healthy or somewhere along those lines. I kept wondering and wondering why would she keep calling me to watch those news segments. Gosh I’ve even started thinking about it as a possibility and even in the back of my mind years ago I said that if I was 27/28 and still not married then I would have a kid on my own which is still 2/3 years away now. I’m not sure if she’s pressuring me on purpose or maybe I’m taking it that way and all this baby talk is coming from me and using me mom as an excuse.

Can it be that I may actually want to be a mom? that my body and mind are ready for it? I’m so confused I’m not sure if wanting a baby comes from me or the fact that I think my mom wants me to have one, so I want one to make her happy? Gosh the only part I enjoy from this craziness is picking possible daddies from the customers at work,lol Anyways I’m not sure how to feel about this.

 

 

*wanted to put a baby pic as my featured image but…it was too hard to decide on a pic of a baby because they were simply all to adorable to instead I chose a puppy and even then it was hard,lol*

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